You’re Beautiful October 18, 2009

Still/ As Ever lyrics translation:

It wasn’t supposed to be love
It was never supposed to be
I fooled myself many times before,
but my heart keeps on calling you

Before i tried to run away
I tried to push a step away
But even then you were growing bigger inside me

Chorus:
I must love you this much
I must wait for you this much
No matter how much it hurts,
my heart cant leave you
There must be one love
My heart won’t change
The love I protected for you,
now I can tell you everything

Your warm eye expression
Your warm love
You are growing bigger inside me

Chorus:
You must have loved me
You must have waited for me
No matter how much I made you hurt,
your heart can’t leave me
There must be one love
My heart won’t change
The love i protected for you,
now i can tell you everything
I love you.

Sometimes love, or tears will cause problems for us
I love you (i love you), I love you (i love you)
I just need you next to me

Chorus:
I must still love you
I must be waiting for you
I could fool my mind, but not my heart
There must be one love
My heart won’t change
The love I protected for you,
Now i can tell you everything
I love you.

Sweet. September 17, 2009

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, happy birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Malaine, happy birthday! pareho na tayo ng age!  hay ang bilis ng panahon. dati hamak na alternate scholars lang tayo ngayon corps commander ka na! i’m so proud of you! yeah. so yan. pakabait at wag masyadong istress ang sarili. unhealthy yan. wag na wag mo akong gagayahin.  May the good Lord bless and keep you! Mahal na mahal ka namin, Malaine! Keep it up! Lagi lang kami nandito para sa yo.  sige na. tulog ka na. Hinintay mo yatang mag-12 mn no? hahaha. joke lang. sige. may pasok at CAT pa bukas hahaha. happy birthday!

- thanks Joker!

thanks to Adrian, Mika, Christian, Joker and Marckiem the first people who greeted me on my sweet sixteen

Appreciation and a smile September 6, 2009

You will only realize the importance of a person or an object in your life once he/she or it is already gone.

The said words are true most of the time. Sometimes we try not to let these words happen but in the end, we always regret not appreciating  the things that are important in our life while they are still with us.

I admit. I was not her best student. Her subject was not my favorite as well. But I always do my best in every endeavor she asked us to do. That was my was to say thank you to her, when she was still with us. But now, that she has found her Savior, I do not think anymore that what I have done  to thank her is enough for all the things she have done for us.

Ever since I heard the news, I keep reminiscing the memories we shared together through our Social Science 3 class. I can’t help but cry because the smile, that is always there in her face. I can’t hear her say her jokes anymore.  She was gone forever. At the beginning, when my friend texted me, I thought it was a joke. But when I read my batchmates’ stat and comments in our teacher’s facebook, it finally came to me – Ma’am Shella Grace Paz is gone forever. I cried once again because I saw many people truly and deeply love her.

I visited ma’am’s body on the first day of the mourning. My present class (Charm!) went to St. Peter’s Chapel after our Iliad practice. When we were climbing the stairs, I felt the my chest became heavy; i was starting to feel that I can’t breathe anymore. When we entered the room where her body is laid for public viewing, I cried – really cried. I felt that I was bumping on a wall saying “She is really gone.” That day was the last day I saw her face to face. And like the day we first met, she was smiling; she is really happy. The whole day, I cried though I know I shouldn’t because she is already with the almighty. When we went home, I was crying but then I saw a rainbow. I smiled. It is like ma’am, our fairy goddess telling us that she is already fine and happy.

The next and the last time I saw her body was during the funeral mass. I was not able to view for the last time then because I have my duties as a commanding officer of our CAT. But I was able to stood beside her for a few minutes, guarding her and giving her respect and gratitude she really deserves. During the whole mass and service, emotion swelled up in my heart. It was easy to give way to tears but it was hard to control them. I have to control them until her body is gone because the commanding officers were assigned to give her a final salute. When her body was gone, on the way for her burial, I break down. I didn’t care if people saw me in my uniform crying. What I cared about is that, it was the very last time I will be with her. I didn’t go to the burial anymore. I have a lot of things to do for our Intramurals that day. But the next day, I visited her grave. She was buried on the same cemetry as my aunt. There, I still shed a tear for her but not much because I told her the I will do my best to always smile like what she did for all of us.

Ma’am Paz was a great teacher. She was not a traditional one, or a modern one. She was the type of the teacher who acts like a student herself in order to relate the lesson to us in a better way. Like what a friend of mine said, she made WORLD HISTORY, EASY. Easy in the sense that her lectures were light and meaningful. I would not ask for a better World History course anymore because what I had was already the best. Ma’am Paz is the artistic kind of person. She was the type of person who encourages us to do our best, appreciate our own skills and offer everything to God.

Today, I don’t really care anymore why she died and why she was gone to soon. It was all God’s plan. Like what she said I want to be what I ought to be. And because of that, when her time came, I believe that as she was swimming, she saw God reaching His hand and she gave her hand, knowing that she has finally seen her Creator….and then she accepted everything and smiled.

In the Memory of

Ma’am Shella Grace C. Paz

( April 1984 – August 2009)

We love you Ma’am

Hope: Looking Back at the Past August 17, 2007

All of us, no exemption, have wished “If I could just turn back the time…”

Honestly, even I wish that.

Now that the pressure is continuing to lower down my self-esteem, somehow by just looking at the past I can get the strength to start or to continue with my life.

Well, I want to admit that I’m not living the time of my life (of course, I’m still at the learning age). But sometimes I do feel old with all the pressures and problem common to the teens in my age today. Looking back at the past makes me feel I’m me in somehow in an alternate universe because every “present” I have is really different from my “past” or in simpler way my every today is different from my yesterdays. 

Where do I look back? 

Well, for every situation i encounter, I look at my different experiences in the past. But these days, I always look back at my first year HS.

Ruby 2010. Our section. Like the gem stone, our class shines. Though each of is unique, we shine in a great manner that none of us can explain. We’ve been through different tasks and problems but now and always, I’m proud to be part of it. (To all Ruby who is reading this, if ever, I’m really proud.)

Well, mostly if I look back to Ruby because of my personal experiences with each of them and somehow remembering these experiences together makes the whole Ruby, Ruby.

Let me start.

The male dormers. Well, honestly speaking I’m really not close to them but they are always my groupmates and by that, I started to know them. They are really hard working. But behind this hardworking attitude they have, they are intelligent and somehow naughty. Somehow their naughtiness is really not good for me…at first but as the year pass by, I was able to adapt to them.

The female dormers! I love them! I was able to stay in there room during the stargazing! They are really amazing! Though their different from each other, One is very serious in academics but she is very friendly and complete, orderly and very fashionable. Then the other one is really outgoing! I spent a lot of time with her sharing favorites and stuff. Well, I really like them both especially how they grow to what they are to day! J&J!

Then boys first. In my point of view, Ruby boys are somehow seperate in groups – by friends but when put together to do a certain task, sometimed its still unbelievalble and surprising for me to see that they work together in harmony. Well, the guys are really outgoing. Sometimes some of my brain cells die for them to be understood. But their naughtiness is really a new experience for me. They are just awesome. Cracking Jokes anytime and anywhere. They make the mood brighter. You may think that it is impossible for boys not to hit under the belt. Ruby boys also do it but not always. When they know the person can take it they will do it but if the person can’t they do it by their own. In front of girls~ this is hilarious, can’t forget these moments~ they act like a gay even I believe that are not a gay! I just can’t explain it. These guys are really talented. Basketball, music, computer things -  they’ve got it. This is why I’m proud of these boys! (What am I? A sister? A mother? A grandmother? They look at me like that!)

Oh, my group! Plaid skirts! (inactive nga lang.) Well, somehow were also seperated but not seperated like girls. We even have meetings every after PE or so! Well, Ruby girls are really active, they really are fashionable, music lover, hardworking and athletic girls! They are really nice to have because all of us put our 110% guts in everything we do! We rock!

So, you may be wondering why can’t I tell everything in details. Well, even its very selfish of me, I want to keep it all to myself. Because I have the feeling that once I share it, if I remember it, there will be no thrill.

Well, that’s a good memory. I also like Ruby because of our teachers! How I miss them. These days I really visit them and I really appreciate them! Our adviser that time is really motherly to us. She gives all our needs! Thanks Ma’am! Other teachers are also motherly to us thats why I was able to complete my year with a smile! I really love them!

Now, I’m not sure if this year, I will remember it. I don’t konw what lies ahead. But I’m sure, there will be a time that I will glimpse to this very moment.

But today, I’m also proud of Ruby because even seperated in different section, they are still with their old classmates. Though I’m not included or being left out, I’m still proud of it. Saying that I’m watching from afar makes me feel old but it’s okay. As long as they are happy, I’m satisfied.

Ruby 2010.

Opposite. June 1, 2007

To be happy, take the challenge.

To be satisfied, search for more challenge.

Life is like that. When we want something, we have to go thtough the opposite of it for us to achieve it. Wierd, huh?  Well, at first we ask ‘Why?’ but as time passes by and as we continue to age or to grow, we just don’t notice it -we’re already used to it. Well, that’s the the nature of life.

Okay. OPPOSITE. Well, we can’t have our life or our world without it. And I just realize right now, right at this moment that without these opposites in life, everything will be useless, meaningless, pointless. So now, I come to realize once again not to hate the opposites.

I remembered when I was young, I always asked my parents if girls are plentier in these world. For some reason, up until last year, I somehow hate it when people say, boys are stronger than girls; women can’t do everything the men do. Oh, I hate it. I really hate it! Well, not just having opposites but I also hate being compared. Yes, I do hate being compared. Even with my sister, oh, how much I hate it.

Back to the boy vs. girl, girl vs. boy thing, I finally somehow lowered the level of my hatred towards the opposite. Ever since I entered a coed school, past will never be present if I haven’t gotten this experience. Why? If this is just an all girls school, then its like the same boring past. Last year, with all honesty, I enjoyed being the boys than with the girl, Why? Well, I think they more appreciate me (note: Hindi ako nagfifeeling okay?) while  the girls don’t. Or is it the opposite? I appreciate them and I don’t socialize with the girls? 

Maybe yes, Maybe no, i don’t know.

What I just feel is that I’m not welcome. Well, that is life. Trust our instincts first before our truth. Ha! Not only me, but I thing everyone trust their instincts first!

Back to the point, I am who I am in front of the boysbut not with the girls. I think the reason that being in the same gender, you sometimes have an idea of what they want, not like with the boys. But at the end of the year, who is my closest friend, a girl of course! and somehow the person who i hold grudge with or I hate, a boy of course!

Well, that’s life, girl belongs to girl, boys belong to boys.

So now, let me just tell you when you have something in your mind and in your heart, the opposite of it will appear then the opposite of the opposite if it, then the opposite of the opposite of the opposite will come, followed by the opposite of the opposite of the opposite of the opposite of it and so on and so forth will come until you achieve what you want to achieve.

Believe Me.

Well, then this year will be a total different than the previous one! New Life, Second Chance will be shown to you in about 1 day and 23 hours….

I will DO my BEST…in everything….

Well, then, Looking forward in meeting you my dearest kouhais!!

 Hahaha…

Wishing you all the best…

P.S. Please wish me all the best too…

P.P.S Well, sorry for using the word’well’ so much…

P.P.P.S. One last thing…appreciate and love all the opposite you met, you meet and you will meet…I am not me today and you are not you today without them…

Well then…

til next time!

God Bless!

Keep on Dreaming! ^_^

Face the World May 31, 2007

Give me a word that brings anxiety to the heart…

 Give me a word that brings confusion to the mind…

Give me a word that makes you doubt yourself…

Give me a word that weakens your soul even for a second…

Many, huh? Yes, there are many, ultimately many things that can weaken or worse, destroy us. We obviously want to escape or avoid these things, but please! Be honest to youself. It was/is/will be given to you…by destiny or by fate..It is given to you by God. FACE IT!

Life is made up of troubles, pains, failures, problems, but remember life is also made up  success, cure, inspiration, solutions. And most of all life is made up of people. People who are always there. People who may betray us, eventually. But there are people who will be loyal to us until the end. Remember it! There will be people who will be loyal to you whatever happened. We just have to appreciate them. (well, somehow be loyal to them too.)

When troubles come, learn to fight it…when you can’t do it alone, remember you have friends who are always there for you. When pain is there or you are hurt, don’t keep it all to yourself. Remember there are person who is willing to carry the burden with you. And when you fail, learn to stand up. Why? There are many people who is lending their hands so you can stand up. But remember also, don’t rely to them too much. You don’t know what might happen. And also keep in mind-Nothing is Permanent in this world to live to in.

You don’t need to be alone. Open up yourself. Learn to trust… Show a smile to that special, loyal friend of yours…

then you are ready once again to …FACE THE WORLD…knowing that you are not alone.

—————————————————————————————–

Inspiration: BLEACH tenth division.

Hitsugaya, a tensai, a taichou at such a young age, carries a huge burden. but sometimes this burden is only gone for a moment when he is with his childhood friend Hinamori. But things went out of control. His friend being confused caused a little betrayal over then. Since then loads keep on coming to him, he does it but in reality the only in his mind is Hinamori nothing else.

All of these are seen and felt by his fukutaichou, Matsumoto. She has been loyal ever since. She even onced betrayed her childhood friend, closest and the most important person in her life. She thinks Hitsugaya not only as his taichous but as his friend too but Hitsuagay, (in my point of view) only thinks of her as his fukutaichou. Matsumoto can feel every emotions of her taichou even her taichou hides it from anyone. She knows that her taichou is being himself, the real him when his is only with Hinamori. I know deep inside Matsumoto, even for once, she wants to see the real Hitsugaya when they are just alone. I know that even once, she wants to see his sincerest smile.

To Kubo Tite: Onegai! Let Hitsugaya appreciate Matsumoto even once. I pity Matsumoto so much! And one more thing, if you can’t, let Matsumoto die either for Hitsugaya or Hinamori, Then that will be the time for Hitsugay to truly appreciate her. Shame on him if that moment comes because it is already too late.

Wish you all happiness and luck.