You will only realize the importance of a person or an object in your life once he/she or it is already gone.
The said words are true most of the time. Sometimes we try not to let these words happen but in the end, we always regret not appreciating the things that are important in our life while they are still with us.
I admit. I was not her best student. Her subject was not my favorite as well. But I always do my best in every endeavor she asked us to do. That was my was to say thank you to her, when she was still with us. But now, that she has found her Savior, I do not think anymore that what I have done to thank her is enough for all the things she have done for us.
Ever since I heard the news, I keep reminiscing the memories we shared together through our Social Science 3 class. I can’t help but cry because the smile, that is always there in her face. I can’t hear her say her jokes anymore. She was gone forever. At the beginning, when my friend texted me, I thought it was a joke. But when I read my batchmates’ stat and comments in our teacher’s facebook, it finally came to me – Ma’am Shella Grace Paz is gone forever. I cried once again because I saw many people truly and deeply love her.
I visited ma’am’s body on the first day of the mourning. My present class (Charm!) went to St. Peter’s Chapel after our Iliad practice. When we were climbing the stairs, I felt the my chest became heavy; i was starting to feel that I can’t breathe anymore. When we entered the room where her body is laid for public viewing, I cried – really cried. I felt that I was bumping on a wall saying “She is really gone.” That day was the last day I saw her face to face. And like the day we first met, she was smiling; she is really happy. The whole day, I cried though I know I shouldn’t because she is already with the almighty. When we went home, I was crying but then I saw a rainbow. I smiled. It is like ma’am, our fairy goddess telling us that she is already fine and happy.
The next and the last time I saw her body was during the funeral mass. I was not able to view for the last time then because I have my duties as a commanding officer of our CAT. But I was able to stood beside her for a few minutes, guarding her and giving her respect and gratitude she really deserves. During the whole mass and service, emotion swelled up in my heart. It was easy to give way to tears but it was hard to control them. I have to control them until her body is gone because the commanding officers were assigned to give her a final salute. When her body was gone, on the way for her burial, I break down. I didn’t care if people saw me in my uniform crying. What I cared about is that, it was the very last time I will be with her. I didn’t go to the burial anymore. I have a lot of things to do for our Intramurals that day. But the next day, I visited her grave. She was buried on the same cemetry as my aunt. There, I still shed a tear for her but not much because I told her the I will do my best to always smile like what she did for all of us.
Ma’am Paz was a great teacher. She was not a traditional one, or a modern one. She was the type of the teacher who acts like a student herself in order to relate the lesson to us in a better way. Like what a friend of mine said, she made WORLD HISTORY, EASY. Easy in the sense that her lectures were light and meaningful. I would not ask for a better World History course anymore because what I had was already the best. Ma’am Paz is the artistic kind of person. She was the type of person who encourages us to do our best, appreciate our own skills and offer everything to God.
Today, I don’t really care anymore why she died and why she was gone to soon. It was all God’s plan. Like what she said I want to be what I ought to be. And because of that, when her time came, I believe that as she was swimming, she saw God reaching His hand and she gave her hand, knowing that she has finally seen her Creator….and then she accepted everything and smiled.
In the Memory of
Ma’am Shella Grace C. Paz
( April 1984 – August 2009)
We love you Ma’am
